LÁGBÁJÁ - Madam Patience is the mother of every mumudom

Exactly two weeks ago, Okey Ndibe made a thorough analysis of a typical Nigerian set of mind and lifestyle, supporting his words by lyrics from Lágbájá’s recent song… And the musician now has a few thoughts of his own on the subject. Hear him.

Dear Okey Ndibe:

Thank you for sounding the alarm in a way that should make us reflect deeper. Mumu is not a condition I proudly proclaim. It was with a heavy heart that I came to this shocking realization that we are indeed a country of mumus. Harsh as it might sound, no other explanation would suffice. It is apparent that the "leaders" know that they would always get away with whatever incredible schemes they concoct because, amongst other reasons,

(a) the mumu people they "lead" are no different from their mumu "leaders" in character

(b) the mumu people are gullible, superstitious and naive

(c) there are no consequences for criminal acts if you belong to the right group

(d) these mumus never demand accountability from their "leaders"

(e) the mumus expect their rulers to loot or would otherwise consider them foolish

Apologies for the seeming overgeneralization but the vast majority runs with this mumu mindset.

There is a limit to how much one can squeeze into a song before sounding less music than sermon. Please permit me to expatiate using your perimeter of "recent events in the past week or two".

For simplicity I would use a numbered list to analyze and highlight a few seemingly disparate but absurd mumurity examples and indicators.

1. 5 members trying to impeach a governor would make you think there are probably only 6 or 7 members of the House of Assembly. According to the assembly's website there are 31 members. For mumus, 5 out 31 constitutes a majority.

2. In the land of mumus you can make your own mace and confer it with automatic authority, elect a "new Speaker" and swear him in.

3. No single hospital in Nigeria to entrust the unfortunately injured member with. He had to be flown to the UK.

4. Flown abroad ... likely on tax payers' account

5. Treated ... likely on tax payers' account

6. Visited by officials... likely on tax payers' account (business or first class tickets?)

7. Nyesom Wike the Minister of State who led the visit was until recently the Governor's (Amaechi's) Chief of Staff. He was allegedly nominated for the Ministerial position by Governor Amaechi. 

8. Shouldn't the mumus wonder how Nyesom Wike as Minister of State for Education found the time for this all important trip while abandoning his post in spite of the raging crisis in his ministry with the Academic staff union of Nigerian universities currently on strike? Well the mumu staff and students can rot in hell I guess.

9. Madam Patience would probably have "visited" too, if not for the noise such would generate. So for now, the victim suffers alone.

10. The erstwhile pontificating police boss of the State could not find the patient's prominent attacker for over a week.

11. Madam Patience having first denied any involvement in the crisis while verbally attacking Soyinka, eventually owns up "pouring out her grievances".

12. She owns up to a group of visiting Bishops who came on a peace making mission to find a lasting solution to the crisis in their region. Religion is always an easy scapegoat and tool of deception in mumudom.

13. Why would you even think that the Bishops would go back empty handed? Any "transport fare/thank-you-for-coming", if received, would have likely been financed on tax payers' account.

14. And why are we ranting about "tax payers"? Why are the tax payers not furious over the incessant misappropriation and misapplication of their hard earned contributions? The answer lies in the question... Aside from PAYE, how many are compliant in mumudom?

15. First a set of 5 Governors and 3 Deputy Governors (representing their respective Governors), left their duty posts for a solidarity visit with the embattled Governor of Rivers State... of course to the detriment of tax payers. (a) They were not on leave, but left urgent work and duties behind for the "emergency" solidarity visit. (b) Flight to and fro Port Harcourt of course likely on tax payers' account.

16. They were closely followed by a second set of 4 commiserating sympathetic Governors. Of course, again likely on tax payers' account.

17. Madam Patience's grievance, as she divulged to the visiting Bishops, started when Governor Amaechi refused to be governed by her, as he would not listen to her veiled orders on how to govern the State... which incidentally is her primary territory being her State of origin. Mumus have no problem with that, fully being in harmony with her as she sings as first lady in Abuja while simultaneously dancing in absentia as Permanent Secretary in Bayelsa and conducting the orchestra in home state, Rivers.

18. Madam ends her confession to the Bishops by saying that Amaechi is her son as she is obviously the mother of everyone in mumudom. The question all mumus should ask is, "Would a good mother promote the demise of her child?"

19. Where was her outraged sense of motherhood when Senators were busy voting to turn mumudom into a Nation of pedophiliacs at the expense of her innocent "daughters"?

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